He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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