btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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