we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
