Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
