The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
