She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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