Have you finally orgasmed yet?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Help. Why am I so naked?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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