Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
