Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just invented taco cereal.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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