should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
