Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
