I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
