butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
