oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
