____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize