dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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