sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
