dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
