no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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