Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
