He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
