I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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