i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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