i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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