Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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