WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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