porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
