i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
