someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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