I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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