Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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