He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
