do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she looked like the before picture.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
