I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My ATM looks so different sober.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
