this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
