Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
