Swine flu. Run for my life!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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