Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
