Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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