it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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