Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
