I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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