Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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