Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
