Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
