she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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