mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
