I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
