The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
