So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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