everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
