i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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