I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
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my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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