Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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