my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
