I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
