he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
