Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
