Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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