I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
