She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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