I'm really into asian looking animals
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize