You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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