Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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