Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
