Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just gift wrapped bread.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
