Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
