upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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