I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
