just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
