i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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