yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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