Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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