I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
