am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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