So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
